Divorcing A Narcissist

Recovery from narcissistic abuse is painful but not impossible, even without the issues of parental alienation.  Seeking the help of a psychologist can be one method of finding relief.  However psychology only focuses on self-esteem, healing the inner child, and the mental and emotional aspects of healing from narcissistic abuse.   All worthy therapeutic avenues.   However, narcissistic abuse goes much deeper than that. Traditional methods do not address the powerful psychic attachment that is so hard to break away from.

In order to survive the break up of a narcissistic relationship you need to be prepared with the hard cold truth of what is going on.   Your partner is incapable of caring about you or this relationship.  That is so hard to understand.  That you’ve been with someone and loved this person and it is impossible for them to love you, even though they may have been able to fool you into thinking they did love you.   In this case, it really isn’t “you” it really is “them.”

When you have come to the end of a narcissistic relationship it will be very painful and confusing.   That statement is harsh but it is true and you must be prepared for some of the things that your narcissistic partner will do.  But, you can survive this and you will love again.

You would think you would be glad to be free of this relationship.  But you have been so emotionally abused that you can’t get him or her out of your mind.

You may be feeling so cheated in this relationship because your partner has acted as if your relationship never existed.   For a normal person that is impossible to grasp.

Sometimes the narcissist can sense when you have come to the end of your rope in this relationship.  So they often make their own plans to leave long before you have even expressed the desire to end the relationship.  Maybe even before you even know you want to end the relationship.

They will get the jump on you and they may hide assets, run up bills and leave you holding the bag for the house, the car, the bank account…they won’t even care if there are children involved.

It is almost certain your partner will set up another relationship, probably even before he/she leaves, and won’t care one bit about how much you are hurting.

What Is A Narcissistic Relationship?

A narcissistic relationship is one in which one person in the relationship is incapable of loving the other partner because they are totally absorbed with themselves. It is one in which your partner makes you feel that there is nothing you can do that is good enough for him or her.

It is a relationship where your self-esteem is torn apart day by day and you don’t even realize it because you are too busy trying to do whatever will make your partner love you. But it is a waste of time. A narcissist in incapable of loving anyone and as odd as it seems they really don’t even love themselves.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been in the relationship for a short time or a long time the narcissist is a con artist that has manipulated you into thinking you are not deserving of their love.  And you must understand that it has been done deliberately.

Your partner may appear to be a high achiever and supremely confident.  They are probably very charming and attractive and you don’t want to lose them.   But what is really happening is that your lover has brainwashed you into thinking she/he is perfect and let’s you know in subtle, and not so subtle, ways that you are lucky to have them.

If you look at yourself truthfully you probably will find that you are the one that is doing everything to shore up their feelings when things are not going well.

Nevertheless, your partner doesn’t seem to care about your needs, your life or your feelings.

You may also have a partner that is the life of the party but acts different when alone with you.   Your partner is argumentative and accusatory for no reason when alone with you.  Your partner blames you for their problems in life. Your partner may say that he/she doesn’t think you admire him/her enough, doesn’t think you “motivate” him/her in life.

When you are in one of these relationships the tell-tale sign is that you are feeling empty, unworthy and unable to get emotional satisfaction from your partner no matter what you do.

Your partner blames you directly or indirectly for their dissatisfaction with their own life.

If you think you can never win in this narcissistic relationship – you are right!

You need to get out of the narcissistic relationship if you are ever to love again.   The narcissist destroys you way deep down in your soul and you need help.

Are You A Co-Dependent In A Narcissistic Relationship?

Are you the type of person who believes that you should love unconditionally? And that the unconditional love you give your partner should be returned? That’s the ideal, isn’t it?  It would be wonderful if we could all reciprocate. The reality is that if you are the type that will feel sorry for your partner and have the urge to fix them or please them unreasonably then you may be a real target of the narcissist.

Cut All Contact When You Breakup With A Narcissist

It may seem like the impossible thing to do but you MUST break all contact with the narcissist when you break up with them.

They are master manipulators, con men and women whose sole purpose is to keep their power over you. Without that power source they will move on to someone else very quickly and you will be free.

They might call, text, email you constantly begging for you to take them back or see them one more time.

Don’t fall for it. They are probably doing that while they are already in another relationship. They want to see if they can get you to do one more thing for them so they are sure they have not lost their power and prestige.

If you answer the call, text, email you may find it very hard to resist their charming love talk to you. You may begin to believe that you really did have a love relationship. And as soon as you open the door for the narcissist they will have gotten what they came for and walk away anyway.

Even if you have to change your phone number, block your email address or any other thing to avoid having contact with the narcissist then do it! They’ll go away once they see that you really mean business. If they don’t . . . then you need to get law enforcement involved.

Just don’t give them any opportunity to be alone with you. There is no telling what their bruised ego might lead them to do.
If they have some belongings at your place then have someone deliver them to your narcissistic ex. Or have them pick them up when you are not at home…but have someone else in the house when they come by to get their stuff.

Act as if this person never existed. Because in reality they never really did. Make sure you protect yourself when you are breaking up with a narcissist.